this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize