I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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