Im at strip club and am horny
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
