rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
