I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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