If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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