im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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