i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
