Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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