When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
