I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
