I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
