the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
