This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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