Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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