His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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