Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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