he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
