im drinking this country out of the recession.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
