She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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