There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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