So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
