Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
