Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
