WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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