I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize