I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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