Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
