I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
