I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
