my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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