it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
