If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize