Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
