you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
