You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
