He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
