At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
