u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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