K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
