I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
