He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
