...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
