Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
