At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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