I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
