At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
