I must be too annoying 4 u.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
