at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
