I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
