Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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