i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize