my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize