I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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