Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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