Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
