I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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