I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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