FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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