i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
