i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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