No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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