Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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