I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
